In the grief and heaviness of this year, the first normal months of 2020 are easily drowned out. What I forget is that January, February, and the beginning of March hold some of my most precious college memories. The relationships I started or strengthened have had a profound impact on the person I am today.
For the final week of being 19 and this seemingly endless year, I want to reflect on a few of the beautiful moments lived in the last of the Pre Covid Era.
A huge one is Maddie and I started this blog! When I called her the first week of January I honestly had no idea that we would be going strong a year later. Madly Hopeful is a dream, a commitment, and a project I am so incredibly proud of.
In February, I accidentally “bootlegged” my way into a roaring 20s themed swing dance, laughing with my best friend (by bootlegged I mean we entered in the wrong door by mistake, didn’t realize there was a fee and a waiver to sign but were too embarrassed to correct it). This night was one of my all-time favorites! Swing dance was a thrill and a fairytale, Maddie it was so much fun one day I hope you could come along! A couple of weeks later there was another swing dance, this time for Valentine’s day! (MK you already know how much I love 2/14 so getting to dance to celebrate- I loved it) Then guess what? I went to another dance!! This one was put on by the church I go to, the playlist was ~amazing~
Still in February, I unexpectedly got to spend the day with a dear friend who goes to school out of state (Hey Beau) then ran around the capitol building. Later that night I went bowling and met some people who are now my good friends !! Mads it felt like the most college day haha, all the running around and spontaneity, not a single thought crossed my mind of all the people I was in contact with.
While my heart broke a million different ways this year, and maybe yours did too, the enormity of pain, the ocean of tears when I see the photos- blurry as they are- are all worth it. I wouldn’t trade those fearless months running around with my friends as the sun sets for anything. Learning to dance, dress up and go to brunch, and fall in love with my own little life is priceless.
There are so many moments that I didn’t get a photo of because I was so in love with the sight of it my eyes couldn’t bear to share it. Drinking in the laughter and the soft light of late-night talks or walks in the dark fills me in a way that the lonely and difficult months of quarantine can’t quite drain.
It is so easy to forget the good but the whisper of the gifts of my ¼ year were beautiful- they are beautiful. They are worth it. I wouldn’t give up the sadness and grief of the remaining ¾. I’ll admit, It is hard not to wonder where and who I would be if the world only spun the way I wanted. Would I have more dancing, more brunches, where would my relationships be? These questions are valid but I am learning that the darkness that followed is possibly what is making those memories all the more shiny. It has taught me to truly live like there is no tomorrow and to understand that the people in my life are irreplaceable and not a single second of time in this life is worth wasting by being on my phone or stressing out if I look pretty enough.
2020 was the year I danced my heart out, I felt so much joy, I experienced true connection to the people around me in the most unbelievable way. While there was pain, it has taught me more about myself and how I want life to be than I could ever imagine. So for the months of January, February, March(and the rest) I’ll leave you with the words of Ariana Grande,
“One taught me love, one taught me patience, and one taught me pain, now, I’m so amazing Say I’ve loved and I’ve lost but that’s not what I see. So, look what I got, Look what you taught me, and for that I say, Thank You, Next.”
-hp
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