Hey Mads!
It’s the beginning of a new spring semester and as much as I would love for this post to be brimming with profound declarations of my goals and aspirations for these next 15 weeks, this is not what that will be! Something I have begun to notice in myself is when I let myself take a risk in articulating thoughts in this space I am more often than not left really proud of my work. I feel very inspired and affirmed in my ability as a writer and communicator AND THEN, I read a bunch of blogs that we follow, I listen to podcasts, I read my textbooks, I read Madison’s latest post (which you can check out here, its amazing!) and I allow all of my confidence to crumble.
This reaction then prompts me to dread the next session I have planned to devote to this blog, planning my next post, and even working on our Instagram. I could easily justify this post being a day later than usual by telling myself I was taking time to focus on preparing myself for my classes, settling in, blah blah. That would not be the truth! I freaked out from the expectations I had laid on myself and refused to let myself write a single word. How sad is that?? As I write this I am thinking about all the other areas of my life that this bleeds into. Where do I let my expectations for myself and others crush my spirit and steal the joy of the moment? Even when things do fall flat, I realize that I could have been laughing all the way down. When a chance is truly taken and fails there can be laughter because you know what, you did something.
Now I hope this post isn’t going down in flames, but the point is allowing myself to be paralyzed by what hasn’t happened yet instead of actually trying is completely unfair. I want to lay out two things that help me identify when I let fear be a thief.
A teensy bit of self-awareness. Being observant of my habits is a huge way I catch myself, I will think, “when was the last time I sat down to write?” If it’s been a day or two I think I’ve probably been busy, but if it’s longer, what am I running from? I love to write, so I ask myself, “what in my life is causing me to flee from what I enjoy?” For me it is fear. Of expectations, of honesty, of people’s reactions, the list goes on. While it is true these fears are not completely unfounded, it is important (for me at least) to remember that I would hope my love of something would be stronger than the fear that edges it out of my life (even though I have failed at this many times).
Community! Having friends or family who are there for me to call out when I am shying away from the good things in my life has been so helpful. People who love me, who speak life and encouragement over me when I cannot do it for myself. They remind me who I am, what I am capable of, and gently ask of my dreams and do what they can to help me get there.
I don’t know how this struggle takes place in your life, Mads, but I hope this post has emboldened you to move, try, and take the risk of failure because I have seen how much beauty is found along the way when I allow myself to forget about my fears. I’ll leave you with a piece of scripture that I keep coming back to on this subject.
“The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” John 10:10
-hp
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