Hey everyone!
As I’m writing this post, I’ve officially completed my sophomore year of college. Woo hoo! *party streamers and confetti* I’m amazed by just how quickly time moves in college. It feels like just yesterday I was having angsty journaling sessions deciding where I wanted to go to college, and now I’m already halfway through. Crazy.
I haven’t posted in a while because with the end of finals season, I was pretty much writing essays, critical analyses, as well as fictional stories (thank you creative writing minor for spicing it up) for hours and hours each day.
I’ve already kind of done a bit of a wrap-up in my post from March, What One Year in a Pandemic Has Taught Me, but some things have definitely changed. I finished up the spring semester, and I was able to get fully vaccinated! Here's a picture of my sister Emma and I after getting our second dose. *yay, cheering part 2*
Unfortunately, I know this is a very touchy subject for some people, and I never want to tell anyone what to do, but I really do urge everyone to get the vaccine if you can. It’s one of the things that has become so unnecessarily politicized, and that makes me really sad. Of course, believe what you want to believe, but for me, I know that I want to get back to normal so badly. I want my family and friends to be safer. I want to be able to one day walk into a crowded room without masks and not feel uncomfortable or scared. I want to go to the dining center on campus and be able to make my own chicken salad, damnit. (Okay, that one was kind of a joke, but for real. It’s just so much easier.)
As of now, getting vaccinated seems like the most effective and quickest way for that to start happening. I understand and acknowledge that some people have justified hesitations, and that not everything is so black and white, but I really think it’s important to put our trust in the people who’ve spent their lives working to be ready for something like this and how to handle it accordingly. OKAY, rant over. If you want to roast me in the Facebook comments, I’d urge you to refrain and please just talk to me in person. Thank ya :)
Anyways, I’ve noticed after becoming fully vaccinated I feel a bit calmer. Covid is still something to definitely be concerned about of course, but I feel like I’ve done all I can do in order to keep myself and those around me safe. Emma and I have started buying concert tickets for next year that we think may actually happen! And hopefully, the Harry Styles tickets I bought way back in early 2019 will still happen this September *fingers crossed, manifesting it*
It seems like life might actually start happening again. I’ve been really frustrated the past year because I keep telling myself it feels like I’m not really moving, which I thought I’d be doing a lot of as a twenty-year-old. I imagined at this age I’d be doing things all the time and living it up, man. But no one has really been able to do much of that, and that is so frustrating to me. I felt unable to make the life moves I thought I'd already have down pat by now. I assumed I'd have my own car, an apartment, a boyfriend, and money to spare that would allow me to live a pretty carefree life. Girl, 0 for 4. Getting older, I've learned I was overwhelmingly naive to think some of these things, but it still was frustrating for me this past year to watch these milestones get delayed further and further. Even now that we're seemingly getting closer to "normal life" again where I could (in theory) start to make those life changes happen, we’ve been in this limbo for so long now that going back towards this big before era seems almost overwhelming with the freedom it offers. Honestly, it scares me a bit.
If I could rate my second year of college, I would give it maybe a C+. Definitely not my favorite, but at the end of the day, I did learn a lot about myself that I believe I could only be pushed to discover through the pandemic. I became really honest with myself and changed my major to English, something I never thought I’d have the guts to do because I was afraid to admit that's what I wanted. I cherished my friendships so much more, and found safe ways to have fun, like a virtual Niall Horan concert in our dorm room or a long FaceTime call with an old friend.
It was exhausting to be constantly on alert and ready to adjust to newness in the classroom and socially, and it’s really hard to catch a vibe when you can only see half of someone’s face at all times. But we’ve made it this far! And hopefully, it seems like normalcy is slowly starting to return. I’m saddened by how much was taken away from us all this year, but I’m proud we made it through. Give yourself some credit, and allow yourself to rest.
This year, I’m still learning that it’s okay to take it easy. Especially when we’re constantly moving on high alert at all times. Instead of criticizing myself for all the places I’m not that I originally thought I’d be, I need to be grateful that I’m here. It’s funny. I tend to romanticize the past, but when I’m in the actual moment, I’m thinking about the future. Even in the good moments, I’m not truly here all the time.
Listen. You and I, we're not behind! We’re exactly where we need to be right now– even if where you are isn’t where you’d imagined. Whether it be physically, mentally, or emotionally, the pandemic has certainly influenced every single person’s journey at least a little bit. Because of that, I struggle sometimes to remember that I should never compare a time of rest in my life to someone else’s victory march. Everyone is at a different spot currently, and wherever you find yourself now–both physically and mentally– is so valid. No matter the season of life you're in after this difficult time in our world's history, you are important and your life is still on track. You have time, and where you are right now is exactly where you need to be. I know I need to get better at remembering that.
Go easy on yourself, and stay safe!
love,
maddie :)
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