Hey HP! Can you believe we’re already halfway through December?? This dreadful year of 2020 has almost come to a close. For this post, I wanted to share a bit of a yearly tradition I started for myself, and one that I would encourage everyone to try. Every December since I was fifteen, I’ve written a letter to myself for the upcoming year. I try to remind myself of where I’m at, and where I hope to be within the next twelve months. Since it’s about that time again, I’ve been sorting through the letters and truthfully, it makes me a little emotional. It’s almost like ghost versions of myself are cheering me on when I need someone to remind me of who I am.
I won’t write my yearly letter to myself here, because the letters are something only for my eyes, and though I’m pretty open, I think it would feel like I’m crossing a weird personal boundary. However, as I’m getting ready to write it, I thought I would reflect on some of the best things I experienced this year to get me in a more positive headspace.
1. Saw a traveling Broadway show in February!
At the beginning of this year, I went with two friends from college to see a traveling production of Finding Neverland. It was a beautiful show, and it was the last time I was maskless and scrunched knee-to-knee with strangers to see a live performance. I will never take that for granted again! (I know this picture quality is kind of horrible, but wow what a simpler time am I right)
2. Changed my major (twice!) and added a minor
When I started my sophomore year of college, I was a social work major, and I quickly found that path was not for me. I changed to a family services major, because I thought I wanted to be a counselor. Well, I’ve come to the realization I don’t really have a clue what I want to do. But I do love learning about mental health and ways in which I can help the community around me, as well as becoming more understanding and empathetic as to why people act the way they do. But the idea of saying “Yep! This is exactly what I want for the rest of my life!” about anything is terrifying to me.
I took a creative writing class later in the year as an elective, and I realized that I was kind of obsessed with reading others’ work and also finding that outlet to write creatively as well. I went through a minor identity crisis, and eventually made the decision to double major in family services and English, as well as adding a creative writing minor. It’s going to be a lot of work, but I’ve never felt more comfortable with my academic choices, and I’m genuinely content with where I’m at.
3. Started running consistently!
HP, this is one I’m extremely proud of. Back in August, I started running three to four times a week. At first, I started out by running one mile and I felt like I could be sick. I genuinely didn’t know if I could do it. But, now I can run six miles straight! I still can’t believe it. I am so proud of myself! Before this year, I had never in my life ran more than maybe two miles at a time. And now with months of hard work and believing I was capable of it, I can run triple that! That is such a rewarding feeling. (This picture was my first run back in August! I was dripping with sweat and felt like death but I was so happy I could run one mile!)
4. Read... A LOT
Since I, like most of us, spent a lot of time at home and all my major events I was looking forward to were cancelled, I spent a lot of time reading. I’ve read over 40 books this year! I was able to read books from genres that took me out of my comfort zone as well as reread some of my favorites. I feel very lucky I had the time to relax and read for leisure, which can be hard to find as a college student. (Don’t mind me, just once again advertising my favorite book, The Shoemaker’s Wife by Adriana Trigiani)
5. Wrote… A LOT
I’ve written more this year than probably the last three years combined. I’ve journaled every day for about a year and a half now, but I’ve started turning to writing more often when I begin to feel things very deeply. It has become very comforting to me, especially in times like these where everything can feel uncertain and overwhelming. I’ve also ended up writing a lot of poetry and prose (both of which I’ve never really explored before) and I found I really like it! My creative writing teacher even said he would save me a spot in a class next year designed to work on the North American Review, which is the oldest literary magazine in the United States! Needless to say, I will definitely be registering for that class!
6. Completed a semester of college in a pandemic!
This one might be kind of obvious, but I’d like to acknowledge that students and teachers both had to be extremely flexible this year and open to finding new ways of connecting and learning. As a student, I often felt frustrated that we’ve all been put in a situation where it is potentially dangerous for us to be in school. So many times I would be learning of what was going on in the news and I would think: All this happening in the world and I’m expected to write reflection papers and do biology busywork assignments like nothing's wrong? That is so messed up! Honestly, it is pretty messed up. But you know what? I made it through! And that is something to be proud of. When I have grandkids, I will have some crazy stories to tell about Zoom classes and what college was like on campus during a global pandemic. (This picture makes me laugh because this was definitely a moment I was frustrated and felt ridiculous going to school in a pandemic. I feel like you can see how over it I am just by my eyes. Ha!)
8. I got a tattoo!!
I wrote a post about this back in October, but I got a tattoo this year! This was actually something in the letter I wrote back in 2019 for things I wanted to do for 2020, and while a lot of the other items on the list were robbed because of the pandemic, this one I was able to make into a reality! And I love it! (Will I ever stop taking pictures of myself that now show off my ankle tattoo? It’s looking like no. I can’t help it! I feel like it radiates bad bitch energy.)
9. Started this blog!
Hope, this one makes me so proud. Our first post on this blog was put up on January 10, 2020. Our baby blog is almost one year old! Sometimes I can’t believe how far we’ve come. I still remember you calling me and pitching your idea about creating a blog. Our writing has improved so much, and it’s been really cool to watch us progress as writers and be able to continuously find our voice and what we want to say. I’m proud of all the work we’ve put in, and I can’t wait to see how we both continue to grow both on the blog and as individuals. Thank you for thinking of me all those months ago to share this blogging journey with you. There’s no one I’d rather blog with!
Let’s be candid, everyone. This year didn’t go how anyone planned, and everyone has been disappointed by the year in one way or another. It’s really tempting to make my letter to my 2021 self something short and sweet like: “This year sucked! Throw it in a dumpster fire and don’t look back! *mic drop* See ya next year!”
Buuuut, I won’t do that. It is important to take time to process and grieve what we lost this year, but I believe it is equally important to find the moments of good that made life feel a little lighter, a little clearer- however small they may be. I can promise you if you look for good, it will find you. So, I hope my little list can help encourage you to find your silver linings in a year that at times felt all consumed in darkness. Because there is so much power in actively seeking the good and choosing to be madly hopeful for the days to come.
-mk :)
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